The other day I was minding my own busy business, going about my day “cooking cleaning ironing scrubbing” as my husband says, when I get a photo text from my youngest son. It is a picture of a water tower asking me if it looks familiar. I texted back “Yes?… Are you in the area?”. You see he is back on a college campus working towards a Masters Program. He is only an hour and a half away which is close compared to the 11 hours away he once was… And we did just have lunch together the previous week. But all of you mom’s know, that ‘If You Give a Mom a Minute ‘ she will, if possible, drop everything to see her children, no mater if they are 5 or 25, which my son happens to be (the latter). He texted back “yes”. He was going to the movies with a friend and then out for Sushi at a favorite spot. It happened that I would be running errands “down that way” and we agreed to meet up. It was only a moment , but it was grand. I picked him up some power bars and biscuits to take back with him, because you know that we Always think our kids need food. We hugged and chatted in the parking lot, they went in for food and I went home filled with joy at these (literal) minutes in time.
Thank you my son for blessing me with that moment. One I will never forget and may even Blog about 🙂
I am 55 years old, yes, I am a mother, yes,my children are grown, yes my heart still full of love, pride, concern and hope for my sons. Some of these facts may be similar to yours some not.
This blog is meant for All mothers and women to relate to one another, no matter your age. Young mothers can read and learn, mid life moms like me can relate to this stage of life and wiser and older moms can reminisce over these perhaps familiar times.
We all are faced with joys and trials in daily living. The challenge or rather reality is that we don’t know at age 20 something, perhaps married or single, children or no children and All the details around which we find ourselves in, that we actually have so much in common with other woman we know.
We tend to be free and talkative when we have something exciting to share, the joys are easy to expound on. Everyone celebrates. In trials however, we tend to allow ourselves to think we are the only ones experiencing this or that. We can stay distant or superficial when a real trial comes. Pretending everything is fine , when it is not… been there.
Life can be hard, life can be full of disappointments (with ourselves and others) , life can have unexpected turns that we never expected. I mention these because I have experienced them in my life.
I am so grateful to have many women at this stage in life that are my friends. It wasn’t always so. We prayed that I would make more friends and God answered that prayer. They are out there, waiting for you. we were meant for relationship.
Take a minute to listen or share something with someone that you have not opened your heart to. You may be surprised that it was just what they ( and you) needed.
I have also learned over the years in both the joys and the trials that we are not alone. Not only are we not alone in community of women around us, but we are also not alone in that (what I believe) God is always with us. He is always with me. He is always ready to celebrate and to comfort no matter the time of day or the dynamic of the situation.
Take a minute to spend time with God, even if it is the first time. He is there waiting for you. When you find him, you will spend more than minute, I guarantee it.
Take a Minute and consider this…
What is a mom? When does this phenomenon begin?
At conception? Conception of what?
A child, a mentoring friendship, signing Adoption papers?
And perhaps more curious, When does it end…
Webster’s defines a mom as…
- Mother(noun) a female parent; especially, one of the human race; a woman who has borne a child
- Mother(noun) that which has produced OR nurtured anything; source of birth or origin; generatrix (beginning point of reference)
- Mother(noun) an old woman or matron (well earned)
- Mother(noun) the female superior or head of a religious house, as an abbess, etc (Respect)
- Mother(noun) hysterical passion; hysteria … LOL
- Mother(adj) received by birth or from ancestors; native, natural; as, mother language; also acting the part, or having the place of a mother; producing others; originating
- Mother(verb) to adopt as a son or daughter; to perform the duties of a mother to
I especially like #2, #5, #6 and #7.
In #2, One can ‘produce ‘ something but not necessarily ‘nurture’ it and as well, one can ‘nurture ‘ something but did not actually ‘produce’ it. The key here is the nurture. Any woman who has been a mother to anyone (produced or not) has the opportunity to Nurture. Some of the closest relationships I have observed were not biological.
#5 just makes me chuckle… These words in an actual dictionary actually connected to the word Mother, give me great pleasure and justification to admit I have ‘been there’… to the brink of hysterical passion and hysteria on occasions too numerous to count. Just ask my sons…
I love the generational humanity that #6 suggests. There is a connection between biological mothers and children that is forever, whether there has been nurture or not. This passes down through the generations of Great grandmothers, grandmothers etc. It is as it is, there is no changing the people from whom we are connected to. Generational love is a powerful thing.
In #7 the word Adopt suggests intention. I love that word. It means ‘determination to act a certain way’, deliberate. Anyone who has gone through the process of actual child adoption knows the long arduous process that can often take years. (I know a little bit about that as my sister adopted her son, my nephew, from Kazakhstan 12 years ago). It takes a lot of intention, and money. It is a choice to give life to a baby/child whether from conception or not. ‘Performing’ the daily joys and trials of unending duties connected to mothering for children of any age takes deep love and commitment.
So with these ‘definitions’ of Mother, how does anyone determine when this ‘position’ in life actually begins and ends. Some say it begins at conception and ends when the child turns “of age”, such as 21, that they are now an ‘adult’ and what…. a mother is no longer needed or worse yet, wanted…
There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of my grown sons, want to talk with them, see them, spend time together, know that everything is good, life is treating them well, are they happy etc. It is like breathing, it just happens without thought or effort. I don’t always have the answers to my wondering, or for various reasons, the opportunity to connect. The point is I am a Mother and I love my sons. I love others that I consider mine and everything I feel for my own, I feel for them.
I say it is Forever. I determine this not anyone else. No one can take the fact away from me or you. Once a mother, always a mother.
Take a minute to receive the honor of that position. Take another minute to express it.
These are some of my favorite mom’s and friends. I honor you ALL.
How long does it take a Mother to say good bye? A MINUTE? An Hour? My eldest son (25 in 3 days) thinks it takes me to long. He says that I have a ‘problem’ with saying good bye…
I enjoy my sons. I love who they are becoming. I love the challenges for me as a parent to grow along with them.(which I like to call opportunities because not all parents take them) I thank him for the ‘opportunity’ to assess this apparent dilemma (haha “a parent” dilemma… that’s funny!)
It seems I always have ‘one more thing’ to say or ask… Is this a a delay tactic or fact? I think as a mom when I finally get a chance to talk with my ‘Outbound’ sons, one in NYC (sometimes elsewhere ) and the other in MI (sometimes China)… I do not want to say good bye. … YES, I confess, it is hard to say good bye. When I sense the moment drawing near I start stammering and delaying the inevitable with the “one more thing” tactic my youngest used many times as a child, which I will NOW defend, to lengthen the treasured moments of conversing with them. I then get the “maahhhm…” and I (further) awkwardly and quickly say “ok, good bye” and hang up or click the “x” for Skype and as if in that MINUTE proving I can do it! Knowing it will inevitably happen again…
I am reading a Book called “Empty Nest”… a (very good) book about 31 parents experiences as their children went off to college… I am reading the book as “homework” for my eldest son, we are writing a Book together… attempting to anyway.
“The last half hour before we pulled away from the curb was freighted with anxiety, hers and ours, with excitement, with admonitions spilling out and tenderness spoken and unspoken, love, confusion, AND the Irresistible Urge to Linger”
…see my son, it is normal! and although I miss my sons at times (and now my beautiful daughter in law too), I am glad that my sons are out on their own and participating in society away from me. It brings me immeasurable joy.
How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to.
Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye?
Where is the “good” in goodbye?
A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it. ~Helen Rowland
Great is the art of beginning, but greater is the art of ending. ~Lazurus Long
NOW the other message that my ‘title’ could mean is that we ALL need to pick a View of Life, just pick one. Many people today do not have an opinion about Anything (and some have an opinion about Everything).
It is important to know what you believe and be able to defend it (not that you Have to, but BE ABLE to). This is not to be able to ‘argue’ points but to Stand for Something. Many people just jump on bandwagons without thought or true conviction of the actual Views held.
I prefer having discussions with someone that has an ability to have a good conversation about something we may differ on rather than someone who only believes what others believe or what they have been told to believe. I can respect a difference of opinion more than no opinion. It is, in my opinion, imperetive for people to be able to express personal views with out judgement or personal attack.
I am a Christian, for lack of better words a Born Again Christian or a Beleiver in Jesus Christ. I know that Many people have not had good experiences with Christians and I am so sorry for this. I personally can strongly defend my faith with out judgement on anyone else. I like to hear about what other people believe and why. A friend from High School once said to me “Ones Best Advice is One’s Past Expereince”. So true.
On my site you are free to express your views on life and not be judged. (I will delete or veto rude, crude or socially unancceptable comments….)
wow. as I just typed the title of this post, already having in mind what I was going to type about (the beauty of Creation)… I realized that my title had a dual message…
Take a minute to enjoy the view… of God’s creation. It is SO amazing! We go about our days so narrow focused that we miss the Beauty of the things around us. Whether it be a sunrise or sunset, a new born baby or aging grandparent, color or mood… there is Always something to enjoy.
I wake up with the sun rising through the woods, so I stand at the sliding door and watch it enter the day as I enter into my day, giving thanks for Life and Breath and a new day to live life fully. I know when the Beauty of the leaves return to the trees I will no longer be able to see the sun crest over the horizon, but I Will be able to enjoy the Beauty of the Summer Trees and all of their glory blowing in the breeze and shading us from the heat of the sun.
The bible says in Romans 1:21 that ALL we have to do is look around and we will see the hand of God, man is without excuse (of acknowledging God as Creator)
What view do you enjoy best?
So here we are in Texas, my Mother and I…. we took a Minute (or two) and headed down to Austin to meet my mother’s cousins for the first time. It is our first time to Texas as well.
Mary and Teresa Evan, my mother is Edna Faye Evans… their fathers are half brothers (same father). There are also two others, Susan and Mike who live in their hometown in Minnesota. The names are different because my grandfather had the spelling changed. On a Document from the late 1800’s as our ancestors came from Prussia, the name was spelled Even and Iwan. There are many reasons for name spelling being changed during this time.
I am not really into Genealogy but what a wonderful blessing to meet family that we never knew existed. Now after three days of adventurous bonding we feel like true ‘kin’ bonded forever as family.
Thank you Mary and Mom for working so hard (and spending many Minutes) connecting the dots of our family. For those of you that do not have family may you discover the bonds of family from friends and perhaps even uncovering distant relatives that can now begin a legacy of family for you.
and… we are ALL part of God’s family, Every One……